What it Feels Like for a Finn
by xsuitcaseofmemoriesx
Summary: Finn sorts through his emotions about Baby Beth, Puck, Quinn, his past, and his future, with the help of Rachel.  Takes place during Journey and after. Finn/Rachel, implied Puck/Quinn, and other canon ships; non-romantic Finn/Quinn. Oneshot.


**A/N: **I haven't written a fic in a while! I suddenly got inspiration for this story. Lame name, I know. This was mainly inspired by the episode Journey of course, and by a picture from the deleted scenes of the episode, where Will is hugging Puck in the hospital waiting room. I hope you enjoy! Please review if you like :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. If I did… let's just say I'd be one happy girl.

Light spoilers from Journey, Episode 1x22. Just in case you live under a rock and haven't seen it :D

…

It was odd, running behind Quinn, her honey blonde hair floating after her, gripping the arm rests of a wheelchair. Seeing her cling to Puck's hand as he jogged beside her. How often had Finn imagined this scenario in his head? _His_ hand holding hers, _his_ voice anxiously reassuring her. But instead he was behind her, with the rest of the Glee club.

…

_Minutes before_

Santana and Kurt entered the break room. "Quinn's mom is here!" Santana whispered.

"W-what?" Finn stuttered, taken aback. He thought Quinn's mother and father would never want to speak to her again.

"I'm listening in," said Santana, grabbing Brittany's hand and tiptoeing behind the wall. Kurt and Mercedes followed.

Even though Rachel Berry had her usual performance high from the exhilarating Don't Stop Believing, she was still herself. "Excuse me, but isn't that kind of wrong? We all know that Quinn and I aren't on the best of terms, but even I know that's intrusive and meddlesome."

"Rachel's right," Finn agreed, though he didn't understand a couple of the words. But the others didn't seem to have any plans on moving from their snooping spot.

"Holy freaking crap," Santana muttered. Kurt's eyes bugged and Mercedes clapped her hand over her mouth. Brittany looked confused. "What does she mean, her water broke? What does that even—"

"WHAT? Her water broke?" Puck practically roared, pushing his way to the door.

The next few minutes were a blur. Brittany went into the men's room to get Mr. Schuester, and everyone else frantically raced around the room.

"Wait," Mr. Schuester said as Quinn hobbled out of the room, leaning on Puck and her mother. "Someone has to stay behind and watch Vocal Adrenaline. If we don't have at least one person on the team here, we could be disqualified."

The group was suddenly solemn. They all cared too much about Quinn and her baby to stay.

After some inner struggle, Rachel raised her hand. "I'll stay. As co-captain and star of the group, I feel it is my duty. You guys go follow Quinn. I'll scope out the competition. C'mon, go!"

A chorus of thank-you's followed as New Directions hurried to catch up to the bus taking them to the hospital. Finn lagged behind.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Rach? I can stay here if you want me to."

"No, I'm fine. Go ahead, Finn. I... I need to talk to my mom. About some things." Her voice cracked slightly. "And I want to see how much Jesse and Vocal Adrenaline suck." She smirked.

Finn hugged her, resting his chin on her head.

"But, Finn, text me about the baby, okay? I care more about Quinn and her baby than I let on."

He smiled and tenderly kissed her forehead. "I love you," he whispered. He could say it over and over.

He left Rachel to sit in the corner of the break room, deep in thought.

….

"Mom! It hurts so bad!" Quinn moaned as they neared the waiting room of the hospital.

"It's okay, baby." Puck said.

"You suck, shithead." Quinn sneered.

When Quinn left with her mother, Puck, and Mercedes, Finn flung himself onto a hard plastic chair with a Sports Illustrated.

If Rachel hadn't told him about Quinn and Puck's lies, he would be in Puck's place, hearing Quinn's screams even louder than they could from the waiting room. For so long, he felt nothing but anger toward his ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend. He had _wanted_ to be the father of that baby. But he had been in love with the idea of the baby, the idea of parenthood, not the girl he would be parents with.

Suddenly, in the bland waiting room, he felt temporarily at peace. He had to stop thinking about what life could have been and start living in the present, as corny as it sounded. Now, he didn't have to be a high school dropout—he could be with the girl he had secretly loved for months. He smiled to himself. Today had been an eventful day.

…..

"How long does it take a baby to come out?" Brittany whispered to her silent peers, stroking her dress.

"Hours, Brittany." mumbled Will, deep in thought about how this child would have been _his_ if the lies hadn't surfaced.

"But it's _been_ hours," Brittany whined.

"Do you think they'll wait to tell the results?" Tina asked in a worried tone, clutching Artie's hand.

"I'm sure it will take the judges a couple hours to discuss everything," Will replied.

"Who's that guy wearing a dress?" Brittany asked.

"PUCK!" The whole group gathered around him in his hospital gown. "Is Quinn alright? Did she have the baby? What's its name?"

"Quinn's fine. She had a healthy baby girl."

"Oh my gosh!" The whole group squealed with excitement.

Placing his hand on Puck's shoulder, Will asked, "Are you okay, Puck?"

"Y-yeah. It was really smelly and disgusting and—" In a feat as un-Pucklike as possible, he broke down and hugged Mr. Schuester.

"Shhh, it's alright, Puck."

"I just can't believe I'm a father." Puck said. Finn tentatively patted Puck's arm, which caused Puck to promptly throw himself at Finn.

"I don't know if I'm happy or sad, man. I feel like such a pansy."

Finn chuckled. "You _are_ one. But I think that's pretty normal. Dudes go all soft around babies."

"Are we okay now?" Puck said, looking up at his slightly taller best friend.

The last time Puck had asked that question, back in December, Finn had rejected him. He couldn't forgive him a day after he learned his best friend had sex with his girlfriend. But now, at the end of May, he had a different answer.

"Yeah. We are," Finn said. Seeing Puck, the tough guy, the sex shark, cry did something to him. Finn had never been good with words; he didn't know how to describe it. But it made him want to be best friends with Noah Puckerman.

…..

_About two weeks later…_

Quinn was still out of school, staying home with Beth, until someone expressed interest in adopting her. Mercedes planned for the whole Glee club to show up at Quinn's house on Friday after school, like a surprise party. She said they needed something to boost morale. Glee was still temporarily meeting, but in Mr. Schuester's Spanish room, most of the time spent moping and reminiscing. But on Friday's meeting, the room was filled with presents and balloons and a cake to be brought over to Quinn's.

The Glee club was gathered around Mr. Schu's desk, excited to see the baby. Finn sat on top of a desk in the back, lightly swinging his legs, picking at a rip in his worn blue jeans. This party brought excitement and enthusiasm to the rest of the Glee clubbers, but to him it only brought fear and anxiety. He hadn't even had a real conversation with Quinn since December. He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit.

Rachel entered the room, holding a package wrapped in pink tissue paper and tied with gold ribbon, and humming a showtune. Her face immediately fell when she saw Finn's expression. She squeezed herself next to him on the desk, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Finn? I haven't seen you this stressed out since finals."

"What do you think's wrong? I'm going to my ex-girlfriend's house and seeing the baby that, for months, I thought was mine."

Rachel looked at him with worry in her eyes.

"Stop making that face. You look like my mom."

Rachel giggled and nudged him in the side. "Finn, I know that I'm being brutally honest, but you're going to have to say something to her sometime. You can't ignore her forever; it's not healthy. And I'll be with you the whole time. If you want to leave early because you feel uncomfortable, we can."

"You're the best," Finn said, lightly kissing her cheek.

"Hey kids, I think it's time to go!" Mr. Schu said, clapping his hands together. "Do we have to carpool system all worked out?"

…

The Glee club tiptoed up to Quinn's mansion of a house, its outer walls painted a crisp blue.

"Who'll do the honors?" Mr. Schu asked, gesturing to the doorbell.

"Me! Me!" The Glee club cried, like kindergartners volunteering for line leader.

"Settle down, losers," said Puck, half-joking. "I'll do it." He coolly pressed the doorbell. A wail came through the windows.

"Mom, can you get that? Beth's upset again," yelled Quinn from inside.

The door was whisked open by Mrs. Fabray with a giddy smile. "She's in the living room, so squeeze together in the kitchen," she whispered.

New Directions snuck through the huge foyer to the equally humongous kitchen. Mercedes, Kurt, and Puck stood at the front of the group, Santana and Brittany, pinkies linked, not too far behind. Matt and Mike held bunches of balloons, Tina stood by Artie, who was holding a cake, and Rachel and Finn stood at the back.

"You okay?" Rachel asked, squeezing his hand.

"I think so," Finn said with a lopsided smile.

"Sweetie?" Mrs. Fabray's voice echoed through the house. "You haven't eaten anything since this morning. Come to the kitchen and I'll fix up something for you."

"I'm not hungry, Mom."

"I insist. I could make you some bacon! Puck's mom never let you have any of that."

Quinn just could _not_ resist bacon. Mrs. Fabray's high heels clicked on the tile floors, and the padding of Quinn's slippers could be heard through the kitchen door.

The door eased open…

"SURPRISE!" screamed the Glee club. Mercedes and Kurt threw confetti at Quinn's astonished face.

"You guys!" Quinn said, eyes widening at the mountain of gifts on the kitchen table. "You didn't have to do this! And I look horrible," she said, looking down at her baggy sweats, her hair thrown back in a messy ponytail.

The Glee club surrounded Quinn with a huge hug.

"Don't smush the baby!" said Quinn. All of the kids immediately wanted to hold Beth.

"Guys, guys, settle down," laughed Mr. Schu. "Let Quinn relax and eat some cake."

….

The Glee club was still crowded around the Fabray kitchen table hours later, the happiest they had been for days. Quinn had excused herself with the baby a few minutes earlier, probably to nurse it.

"All of this eating and drinking is really making me need to go," Finn whispered.

"We can go home if you want," replied Rachel.

"No, to the _bathroom,_" Finn mouthed, tugging Rachel out of her seat. He knew exactly where the bathroom was, from the last time he visited. He shuddered at the thought.

"Finn! What do you expect me to do, go in the bathroom with you?" Rachel said.

"Just wait outside the door or something," he said, taking her through the living room.

"Shit," he whispered when he saw Quinn cradling baby Beth on the couch. He tried to leave before Quinn could see, but she glanced up at them.

"Hey Finn, Rachel," she said, smiling docilely, like she had never lied to Finn or drawn pornographic pictures of Rachel on the bathroom stalls.

Since Finn obviously wasn't going to speak up, Rachel said, "Hey Quinn," and eased herself next to Quinn on the couch. Finn remained standing, hands in his pockets.

"She's so beautiful."

"Thanks, Rachel, though she sure is a bugger. Whenever I lay my head on my pillow, she starts wailing. I haven't gotten solid sleep for days."

"Hi Beth," Rachel said in a tiny voice, and then returned to her normal one. "Is Noah being helpful?"

"Not really. I told Puck that if we keep her much longer, he has diaper duty."

Quinn and Rachel laughed in unison. Finn was amazed by how a little wrinkled baby could bring people together. _Or tear them apart,_ he thought, wincing. _But right now, bring people together._

"How about you sit down, Finn?" Quinn said, patting the space next to her with her free hand. Finn hesitantly situated himself on the couch, staring at the floral wallpaper straight ahead of him.

"How are you doing? We haven't talked in a while," Quinn said, as if they were long-lost friends.

"Fine, I guess," he mumbled, still staring at the wall. He never knew wallpaper could be so fascinating.

"You know, Finn, that I'm really sorry." Quinn rocked the baby gently.

"You said that plenty of times in the choir room," Finn said stiffly. Sensing the tension in the room, Rachel got up to leave.

"I'll give you two privacy."

"It's not necessary, Rachel," Quinn said.

Even so, Rachel sat down at the grand piano across the room, almost out of hearing range.

"Finn… I just… you realize that I didn't want to tell you the truth because I trusted you to be a better father than Puck."

Finn nodded solemnly. If he said a word, he would get choked up.

"But it was stupid and immature of me. I put you through _so_ much crap, just to protect my reputation… I wish I would've told you so you could've been with Rachel."

Finn was caught off guard.

"I knew you really liked her, but I played along anyway. You love her more than you ever loved me—"

"I'm really sorry. I was an idiot for going off and doing—"

"No, it's okay. I'm not butthurt about it. Well, anymore. I have to admit you two are cute together, and she definitely loves you…"

"You think?"

"I know. I'm just… I'm a horrible person. You don't ever have to forgive me for lying to you and putting you through that just because I thought Puck wouldn't support me."

"But you love Puck," Finn said, voice cracking.

Quinn looked him in the eye, her hazel eyes full of emotion.

"I do."

Beth started to whimper, distracting Quinn.

"Do you want to hold her, Finn? Maybe you can calm her down."

Finn closed his eyes for a second, then looked toward the piano. Rachel, who had obviously heard the whole conversation, smiled at him.

"Yes."

Quinn gently handed Beth to Finn, who looked like a giant holding the tiny, fragile baby.

"Hey Beth," said Finn in a high voice, making Rachel giggle as she walked toward them.

Beth's baby skin felt soft and warm in Finn's hands. Finn had always felt comfortable with babies and little kids; something you wouldn't expect from a high school quarterback. But Finn wasn't your average high school football player, was he?

"Say hi to Uncle Finn, Beth," Quinn said. Beth stopped crying, gurgled and reached her small, pudgy hands toward Finn's face.

"Oh my gosh," Rachel breathed, holding her hand to her heart. Quinn teared up.

"You know, I sang to you when you were just an itty bitty thing in your mommy's tummy," Finn continued. "I'll stand by youuu." Finn sang softly. The baby made more little sounds, entranced by his voice.

"You like music? Maybe you'll be in Glee club like your mommy and daddy and uncle and auntie."

Tears streamed down both of the girls' faces. Finn blew a raspberry on the baby's belly, and Beth gave him a gummy smile.

"Oh my gosh," Quinn gasped. "First smile."

Finn's eyes widened. He stroked the light fuzz of hair on Beth's head.

"You better go back to Mommy now. I love you." He kissed Beth on the forehead and held her out to Quinn.

Wiping her eyes, Quinn whispered, "You'll be an amazing dad, Finn." Rachel smiled at Finn, reinforcing what Quinn said.

"Go back to the party, you two. I'll be there in a minute."

Finn was so overcome with emotion, he couldn't say a word.

"Thanks," whispered Rachel. Finn and Rachel grasped hands and walked back into the kitchen, forgetting to stop at the bathroom. It didn't really matter anymore.

"What's up with the teary eyes?" Mercedes said amidst the loud music playing from the infamous kitchen radio.

"Nothing. Just that Finn is the sweetest guy ever," Rachel said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him, then whispering into his ear, "I love you so, so much."

Finn decided then and there that it didn't matter that they lost at Regionals. Hell, it didn't matter if Glee club didn't stay together, though it would be nice if they did. He had all of his family right there, in that house. And they were all he needed.


End file.
